Building Parent And Child Relationships

By | 15/01/2016


There are many different parenting styles but whatever type of parenting style you use the one vital ingredient is the relationship you develop between you and your child.   When a child has a good relationship with their parents they are happy, good at solving problems and able to set clear boundaries for themselves.

You are not your child’s friend.

Many parents think that having a good relationship means being your child’s best buddy.  This is not what it is all about.  A good relationship with your child starts from the day they are born.  The comfort you give him with feeding, comforting and general care is the first step toward creating you relationship.

Your child needs unconditional love to be secure.  He needs to know even when he has done something that makes you Father and son quality timeangry it is the behaviour that is the problem not the child.

This is when he first learns he has boundaries and that some behaviors are not acceptable.  From there he will learn to set his own boundaries.  Children who can do this will be less likely to be influenced by peer pressure later when they are teenagers.

Communication is the key.

When your child talks to you give him all your attention.  You need to make eye contact and be sure he knows you are hearing what he wants to tell you.  Share his pleasure in his achievements and support and sympathize with him when he fails.

Many parents do not hear what their child is really saying.  You need to actively listen to hear what your childmother and daughter realtionship really needs. Does he need encouragement, approval or is he really looking for your full and undivided attention.

An old fashioned way to have some quality time with your family is by having all meals at the dining table together.  Turn the TV off and use this time to really connect with each other. Make it enjoyable family time.

Discipline is important

The word discipline  comes from the Latin word “disciplina” which means “teaching, learning.”   If you just use some form of punishment you are not teaching your child how to make the right choice next time.  Find how to teach more appropriate ways to handle the situation so next time your child will have a clear choice.

Of course he won’t learn immediately so make sure you are consistent in how you handle his behaviors.

It is never acceptable to hit your child.  This will not teach him anything positive.  It is more likely to teach him to solve his problems by hitting.

Setting limits is Important.

Your child feels secure when he knows he has boundaries and knows what they are boundaries. It is up to you to establish the boundaries .  It is important that your child knows the rules and what the consequences will be if he breaks those rules.  Consequences need to be related to the misdemeanor. Making him chop the firewood for a week won’t teach him keep his room tidy.

To have a strong parent child relationship you need to be consistent firm and fair.

In summary

You are not your child’s friend you are his parent, and his teacher.  It is important that he knows he has you in his corner and if things go wrong, that he can go to you for support and guidance.

Establishing a strong parent child relationship is not rocket science.  It is based on unconditional love, communication, consistent fair and firm discipline that has taught your child clear boundaries.

If you have done all these things you will have a child who is happy, responsible and independent.  A good parent child relationship  is essential for the growth and development of your child

Final note.

If you would like a copy of  the FREE eBook “Unleash The Genius In Your Child”.  It is written by Phil Rowlands and is full of excellent advice that I am sure you will find it valuable. To get your copy please leave your name and email address in the box to the right.

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8 thoughts on “Building Parent And Child Relationships

  1. Pitin


    I am not sure if I get the context of the statement “you are not your child’s friend” correctly. We have a 20 month old toddler and my husband always tell me that he would want our daughter to treat us like her “friend.” Of course we have to set boundaries and she needs to know that we are in charge. But by being our daughter’s friend, we can have an access to all her secrets, she will tell us everything and she will not be shy to do whatever she wants because she will be comfortable with us. How do you set the line for that to make sure she doesn’t cross it?


    1. admin

      Hi Pitin,

      Thanks for you your comments.

      You are obviously using good parenting to raise your child. If you think about it friends do not “set boundaries” nor are they “in charge” and that is the difference between being your child’s best friend and being their parent.

      By establishing a good, strong relationship with your child you are ensuring your child will come to you and talk to you because you will be the one who loves her and will want the very best for her. Being her parent and having a close loving and trusting relationship between you is much much more than being just her friend.

      Few friendships last from the cradle to the grave but a strong relationship between parent and child will.

      You are on the right track and I am sure you and your daughter are well on the way to building the kind of relationship she needs to grow and develop into a wonderful adult.

      Best wishes


  2. Gregory

    Hi Margaret,

    Thanks for the interesting article. I can relate. Although my child is now a grown adult (and a good guy at that), your article reminded me of the many times I had to resist the tendency to be a best friend instead of a parent.

    I think it’s solid parenting advice you give.


    1. admin

      Hi Gregory,

      Thanks for your comment. I am glad you liked my article.

      It is always good to her about positive parenting outcomes as there are too many times when this does not happen.

      My very best wishes to you and you family.


  3. Mario

    This is a great post my son is currently 5 and i have made the mistake of being the cool dad and trying to be the best friend . Though my son is well behaved with the yes ma’am no ma’am yes sir no sir and manners when his mom would tell him no he’d know I would more than likely say yes . BIG NO NO got in trouble a few times with his momma . Great advice thanks for the post

    1. Margaret Kennedy Post author

      Hi Mario

      Thanks for sharing your comment.

      I think we all just want our child to be happy & love us so we give in & say yes when we really should say no. I think it is important that parents stay united when it comes to letting them have their own way.

      As parents we all make mistakes from time to time & kids will always try to get their own way we just need to be aware of that & try to avoid it.

      All the best to you &your family.


  4. Thabo

    Hi Margaret,

    I’m a salesman at a shoe store so I get plenty of opportunities to see first hand some of the topics you address. Some of the kids will treat the store as a playground and make a mess, while others will pick up after themselves. I think that clearly illustrates the different ways boundaries are set.

    On the other hand, I have seen kids become stressed after losing track of a parent. The reunion often showcases the true parent and child relationship. Most of the time the reunion ends with a warm hug, wiping away of tears, and a relieved smile from both parent and child.

    sometimes, however, the situation can become more stressful for the child because he or she is reprimanded rather than given the comfort needed. This I think sends a confusing message to the child. Why is the person who is supposed to give them unconditional love yelling.

    I think a child needs both boundaries and comfort. Parents would do well to follow your advice.

    1. Margaret Kennedy Post author

      Hi Thabo,

      Thank you for sharing this with me. When I was a child I was sent away to school when I was five and I have never forgotten the fear I felt thinking I would never see my parents again.

      Even though I was sent to live with my Aunt, who I adored, I never settled into school and missed my home and my parents dreadfully. When school holidays came I was put on a bus back to my parents and spent the entire trip afraid that the bus would not stop at my parents farm and I would never find my home again.

      I really can relate to the terror of a child who can’t find his parent and to greet that child with anger would have to make the child’s distress even more acute.

      A child needs to know they are loved unconditionally and not just when they are doing exactly what their parent wants. Parent’s need to help the child understand that it is the behaviour that is not acceptable but the child is always loved.

      Best wishes



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